sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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