Can i not drive my cunt home
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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