I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize