Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
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Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
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I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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