8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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