Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
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he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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