I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize