16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
