I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
