I accidentally had phone sex last night
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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