I bet he comes in French.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
