i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
be there in ten.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.