After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
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I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
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She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria