Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
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According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
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There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill