mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i've created a new STD.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.