3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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