I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
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The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
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I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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