he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
