worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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