Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
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I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
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"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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