May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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