I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.