Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.