We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.