no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
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On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
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So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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