The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
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I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
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Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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