420 ftw
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
