Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
