I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
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Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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