I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
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Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
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I was totally pumped and so was my beard
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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