Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
