My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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