I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
