Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
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Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
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Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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