I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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