On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
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i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
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That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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