I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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