don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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