He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
