I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
