The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
