After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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