i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
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I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
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I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize