Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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