he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize