Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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