yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
