no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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