we have pet lesbian snakes
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
