glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
