You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
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My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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