I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home