I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low