whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone