I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?