just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.