my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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