You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize