I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
